“Someone else’s disapproval of you is their fault, not yours.”
Other people were not put on this earth to give or withhold their approval of you. And you were not put here to earn their approval. Anyone who doesn’t “approve” of you in any way is only showing their own colors, drab and ugly as they may be.
It can be hard to ignore someone’s disapproval, especially those closest to you. Oh, sure, it’s pretty easy not to care if a stranger looks askance at your tattoo or outright tells you she disapproves of what you just said to your child. Those fall into the “joke ’em if they can’t take a f**k” category. Roll your eyes and move along.
But when it’s your family members or other close loved ones, disapproval can sting. Still, it comes down to this: no matter how much you might desire your loved one’s approval, that approval (or disapproval) has nothing to do with you. It is only that person trying to manipulate you into making him/herself feel better. (And they don’t know that their happiness is up to them, not you! Go figure!)
And who wants to be manipulated into doing someone else’s bidding? Show of hands? None? How about that?
I can’t even count the number of times I have described the third chakra to a client in these words: “Your opinion of you is the only one that needs to matter to you.”
You may never get the approval you so dearly long for from your dad, your mom, your grandma… But it doesn’t matter, because their disapproval is their own fault. They conjured it up and spit it out as they chose to do. Go on and do your thing, baby. Not that you need it, but you’ve got my approval.
Where do I get these amazingly wonderful ideas? From my angels, of course! You probably get them too, right?
Here is my latest-and-greatest angel/guide download, and I am having a great time with it.
Vision boards became popular several years ago with the rise in interest in the Law of Attraction. By creating a poster with things that you want on it, you draw those things into your life. There are lots of great stories about how effective vision boards can be. I have made a number of them over the years, when I was feeling extra-creative (like I am now–what is up with that?).
During one of my numerous moves over recent years, I ran across a travel-themed vision board I had made. When I made it, I didn’t have any plans (or money) for any travel, and I put places on my vision board that I didn’t even have much great desire to go, such as New York City and Paris. They were just popular travel spots that I thought I “should” visit. When I unearthed the travel vision board, I discovered that I had indeed visited a number of the places on it, including New York City and Paris! And most of those trips came to be via something other than me having the money to do it. They were gifts and special offers.
Back in January of this year, I created a vision board for 2015, but I did it in a photo editing software. (www.picmonkey.com) Working in this medium can feel less creative to people who prefer working with their hands, but it was very satisfying for me. Here’s the result.
Without digging any further into the phenomenon of vision boards, I offer this simple suggestion: shrink it down. The nice thing about vision cards, such as the ones I created, shown in the picture above, is that you can carry them in your wallet or purse, you can put them under your pillow, you can stick them in a little box or book. Vision boards tend to be bulky, and vision cards are completely portable. That way, you can refer to them any time you want, and storage is simple.
I envision a world where everyone creates vision cards to make their lives better! And we put them into photo albums, which we stuff onto our bookshelves, where we can go back and look at them any time we like! And we’ll say, “Oh, look what I created! I brought that happy thing into being!”
Ever been attacked? Bullied? Cyber-picked-on? Outright screamed at?
I recently got verbally crucified by a life-long friend. (And I rather doubt the friendship can survive.) For some reason, she posted a diatribe about what a terrible person I was as a comment on a Facebook post of mine. I don’t know what triggered her revelation of her apparently-long-held anger, but she let me have it. Hard. And it hurt.
I removed the post from Facebook and messaged her privately, apologizing for her pain and my contribution to it–which was, of course, innocent. I would never cause her pain on purpose. But I did so accidentally. And she turned it around, years later, to hurt me back.
My many apologies seemed to soften her anger slightly, but she did not forgive me. And she repeatedly described her own pain and anguish, of which I had been a part. She did not acknowledge my own horrific pain at the same time, nor do I think she is aware of it even now. And that makes me think she does not care.
Being excluded, ignored, or treated with apathy may be some of the worst pain in the world, especially when you are suffering from some of life’s hardest blows. Apathy serves to add insult to injury. But I did not defend myself to my friend, I only acknowledged her feelings and apologized again.
Now, this lady is by nature very sweet, one of the nicest people I have ever known. Her unkind behavior and downright cruelty toward me were extremely out of character. I believe that she has been “tutored” by someone to be angry with me. I only hold her accountable for being so ugly to me with absolutely no consideration for where I was coming from.
My response to her was to apologize repeatedly and to make mention of all of us having pain. She didn’t know, probably still does not know, how deeply she hurt me with her harsh words, words that accused me of being just an asshole, someone who doesn’t care at all, or even someone who would hurt another person on purpose.
As I am processing this incident–and it knocked me for a loop–I wrote up a little something on Facebook that I’d like to share with you here. It is for those who have been hurt, but it is also for those who do the hurting, intentional or not. And we all have been both.
Before you accuse someone, before you lash out in anger, before you even have a bad thought about someone, please try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Most people are not trying to hurt or offend you. Most of us are doing the best we can to get through every moment. Life isn’t always easy, but love is what makes it worth it.
Here’s my note:
Have compassion.
Show some compassion today. Not just to one person, but to everyone.
Assume positive intent. Not everyone is being rude or mean on purpose.
Include the person who never goes. Maybe you’ve left her out, thinking she’s shy. Maybe she’s depressed. Maybe including her will do her a world of good that you can’t imagine. Maybe excluding her–again–will hurt her more deeply than you’ll ever know.
Some people get depressed and get treatment for it. Some don’t. Many people who seek treatment for depression take a long time–years even–to get the right balance of treatment for them to feel okay.
Sometimes a depressed person seems grumpy, because that’s the best she can do to keep from crying in front of you. Or all the time. Sometimes “grumpy” is her M.O., because that’s how she manages to show up for work and tries to get through the day. Maybe it is taking every ounce of courage and energy she has just to get out of bed.
Be kind to someone who is poor. Being poor is not necessarily a reflection on how hard a person works or how willing a person is to work. You know the old saying, “If wealth were the inevitable result of hard work, every woman in Africa would be a millionaire.” And so would I.
There is no excuse for showing contempt for someone simply because he is poor. He’s not poor because he wants to be, or because he is trying to cause an affront to you. Nobody enjoys being poor, believe me.
Call your friend who has lost a loved one within the last year or two. Let them know you’re thinking about them and that you care. Grief is a pain that lessens over time but never goes away.
My angels told me not to give any more readings until I had told this story and put it on the web. I dragged my feet getting it done and, sure enough, I gave a reading that was less-than-stellar. And my readings are always stellar! So here’s my story:
My angels told me in July that August would be a “writing month”, a month for writing, a month to do nothing but write.
They would really prefer that I take the entire month of August off (and *I* would really prefer to GO somplace COOL for the month)–alas, that is not practical. After all, I have to be here to help YOU!
AND I have a book-signing and another Expo in Houston this month.
Still, I am writing quite a bit more than usual, trying to live up to the cosmic demand of my writing gift. I have already put in time on one of the two novels I have been writing for some time (the sci-fi one); a children’s book that is all in rhyming verse, which I started when my now-24-year-old was a baby; and my collection of personal essays about my childhood, Growing Up Pleasant: Memoirs of a Freakishly Happy Childhood.
I also started a “journal” of sorts, about painful interactions I have had with people over the years. Ever had a major fight with your mom? An incident with your spouse, in which that spouse hurt your feelings pretty badly? Consistent barbs delivered by someone who supposedly loves you? This is the type of thing I am writing about, and I think/hope it is really just for me. I wouldn’t want to share these stories.
All I know is that, during meditation one day, the only thing that happened was one of these stories writing itself in my head. And that means that I have to write it down. Then other painful memories came along, so I decided on the title “Pain and Hilarity”. because, if you can’t laugh at your pain, you are doomed!
Would a “pain and hilarity” journal help you release old pain? I believe that is why my angels have guided me thusly. Consider doing it for yourself, and then let me know how it goes.
Denise: Hi Susan! Does my Mom have anything to say?
Free Psychic Readings by Susan: Hi, Denise–May I have her first name, please?
Denise: Well, she never liked her first name. She went by her middle name, Joyce. Is that good enough?
Free Psychic Readings by Susan: Yes, great! Thank you! Ah, the name thing, important in life because of the connection, but no longer meaningful. Still, Joyce is a lovely name! And she does not regret anything. (No one on the Other Side does.) She is saying to soothe your soul by soothing your soles. Pedicure? Foot massage? She’s also talking about the book you are reading–or the one that is by your bed but you are NOT reading. She is indicating that it’s really good for you to read it. Remember that any directives from RIPs are always YOUR choice whether or not to do it and YOUR benefit if you do. RIPs never haunt you or get mad at you just because you didn’t want to follow their suggestion. So the book, looks like it has a sunset on the cover? Brown/grey/pink. Paperback. Read it. Love & Kisses, Susan K
Denise: I am so glad she has no regrets. That is wonderful news! I would love to get a pedicure, will happily take her advice on that! Interesting, the book, I’m going to post a pic – I go EVERYWHERE with this one book, The Magic of Thinking Big, and it is a paperback. Even if I only read a couple of pages a day, I am reading it, albeit slowly. But then you said sunset on the cover, Brown/grey/pink – it isn’t a paperback, but I have been carrying that with me…The Power of Believing: How You Can Create the Life You Want, with intention to read it, but I haven’t been – that will change tonight! I know you are busy tonight. Please, if you can, tell her I love her (she probably knows that) and thank her for me! And thanks to you, Susan!
Free Psychic Readings by Susan: WOW! That’s the one I saw! I suppose the paperback thing means to keep reading the other one too. Fantastic! Thanks, Denise!
Denise: Powerful stuff, Susan, you are amazing! Thank you!
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Received from one of my very own RIPs:
Where do I get these amazingly wonderful ideas? From my angels, of course! You probably get them too, right?
Back in January of this year, I created a vision board for 2015, but I did it in a photo editing software. (
